Posted by: Stella Glass
If Whateverishly has a “mascot”, a being or personality representative of the site, its values and beliefs, I don’t know what it would be. However, if we had an anti-mascot, a being or personality representative of all possible douchbaggery, a dull being, boorishly mannered, lacking both virtue and value, this entity would most definitely be Nicolas Cage.
With the exception of Dane Cook, who barely even counts as a person, I can think of no actor over whose head I would more love to break a chair. Nicolas Cage is weird looking, talks annoyingly and straight up sucks at acting. Anytime he delivers a line I feel like he’s about to look at the camera with that demented-puppy-dog expression of his and ask “Was that?…was that good?”
Recently at a Last-Night-of-Hanukkah gathering, a friend showed me the video below and I just about went crazy. It’s basically a perfect demonstration of all that is loathsome about Our Man Cage. It’s a series of clips from the remake of the 1973 movie The Wicker Man. I’ve never watched either movie, but after seeing what you’re about to see, I’m putting this shit on my Netflix. Wikipedia’s summary is bizarre, and these clips are pretty fucking weird, but there’s something about watching Nicolas Cage clock an old woman in the face that can be enjoyed independently of context. But don’t take my word for it!