Interview with Abbington von Koo, Proprieter of Koochievision, and Potential U.S.Deserter

Posted by: Stella Glass

KOOCHIEVISION, KOOCHIEVISION, KOOCHIEVISION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!animal-2

AvK: Um I WAS BORN READY. That’s my first quote. Quote me

SG: Okay. Here we go. Where you from & where do you stay at?

AvK: I’m from, well, actually it’s complicated. My parents told me when I was the tender age of 6 that I was in fact dropped off from my “space parents.” So I guess I’m from the outer limits by way of BOSSSSTON.  And I stay at peewee’s playhouse also known as Koochieville

SG: Who is your Daddy, and what does he do?

AvK: Gerry. I’m a Gerry’s kid! He’s an oracle; wiser than Gandalf and more magical than Shaq in Kazaam!

SG: What is your problem?

AvK: What’s YOUR damage? My real problem is the movie “Problem Child” 1 AND 2

SG: What sound or noise do you love?

AvK: The sound of soda cans opening and the bubbles fizzing brings me ultimate XTC. And when you do the lamb “Baaaaah”, it gets me every time. [Ed. Note: von Koocher is referring to a lamb impression that I occasionally perform. At this time von Koocher inserted a series of emoticons into her response. As I cannot reproduce them, I will do my best to describe them here.]

{Smiley Face}

{Frowny Face}

{Devil Face}

AvK: I will be conducting the rest of this interview with a series of emoticons, hope you don’t mind.

{Quizzical Face}

{Slanted Mouth Face}

SG: Oysters or Peanuts at happy hour?

AvK: Fried chicken

{Smiley Face}

SG: If I was over at your house, would it be cool if I crash there?

AvK: YOU, yes, duh. Some homeless man sucking off Joe Schmo in a back alley, no.

{Face with tongue sticking out}

{Crying Face}

SG: Jesus.  Do you think you’ve “sold out”?

AvK: I currently work for M (not music) TV, so I work for Viacom (sell out). My soul, heart and mind have not however, and continue to TAKE IT TO THE (PROVERBIAL) HOOP!

SG: Would you welcome the opportunity to “sell out” further?

AvK: YESSSSSSSSSSSSS, but sell up down, front back and side to side. Well that’s where I see things just a little differently. Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor. Maybe I’m wrong on this one, but for me, the beast doesn’t include selling out. Garth, you know what I’m talking about, right?
It’s like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that’s just really sad. I can’t talk about it anymore; it’s giving me a headache.

I think I’m gonna spew

SG: What are the first 5 songs on your “recently played” play list?

AvK:

“Vogue”, Madonna

“Freaky Tales”, Too Short

“Chick Habit”, April March

“Misdemeanor” Foster Sylvers

“Stuntin’ Like My Daddy”, Li’l Wayne

And (bonus track) “Machine Gun”, Jimi Hendrix

SG: If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would you like to see play the lead role as you?

AvK: Delta Burke! Or Animal from the Muppets

SG: Define the word “burrito.”

AvK: Can I define with a Pic? [see right!]burrito

Oh and I’d like to add the sound of a bag of Cheetos opening to my earlier statement [the sound/noise you love], thanks.

SG: Name a food that you used to hate but you love now

AvK: Hmmmmm, squid, but I can only eat fried calamari, because if I see any of them damn tentacles ohhhh hellll no

SG: What is the finest quality a person can possess?

AvK: Split honesty/loyalty

SG: When are you happiest?

AvK: When I’m with my family, friends and pets. They give me ultimate joy, and magic. I’m tearing up. Also, when I’m in Halloween Adventure. It’s my “special” place.

SG: What’d you do today?

AvK: Got dressed to “That Girl”, by Stevie Wonder playing 7 times on repeat, got on the train only to make awkward and lustful eyes at a goth/emo/homo thug. Watched countless YouTube videos with my writers to generate ideas while one of them played every Phil Collins song know to man. Sang “I can’t wait,” by NuShooz next to the fax machine. Read your blog. Rubbed my boobs on my boss. Ate 3 mini Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Cried. Laughed. Cried again.

SG: What’s a guilty pleasure for you?

AvK: Watching corny “Urban” or “non-urban” comedies/coming of age/dance-off related films with you in an actual real movie theater that we both then deny seeing or knowing of their existence.

SG: What actor or actress’s fame is totally undeserved?

AvK: Christopher Murney, who play Eddie Arcadian in The Last Dragon. What a pompous ass!

SG: You have to move to another city that you’ve never even visited and live there for at least one year. Where do you go?

AvK: Sao Paulo or Amsterdam

SG: Invent a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor that incorporates the name of a band. Go.

AvK: I can’t beat Neneh Cherry.

Orange Juice Jones Creamsicle explosion with swirls of Blind Melon! Also his hit song “The Rain,” is important, because I picture someone’s drunk, deadbeat dad spinning in the rain, eating his sorrows away with that flavor of ice cream.  Then, after tasting the blind melon swirl a girl in a bee suit comes out and gives him a hug

SG: If your country of origin suddenly adopted an Israeli/Italian policy towards defense, and you had to join the armed forces in some capacity, what would you choose to do?

AvK: If I grew up in Israel, then yes. All of my friends in Israel did it. If my country “adopted” that policy now, no.

SG: No, it’s not whether you would choose to do it. It’s if your country were like Israel or Italy, you would HAVE to do it. So the question is if the US suddenly adopted that policy, what would you do? What role would you want to have?

AvK: NONE

SG: Right, but you HAVE to.

AvK: I would leave

SG: Brandon, Dylan or Steve?

AvK: OK, I was a Dylan lover always. Those ponchos and his love of French fries always got me hot, but I relate more to Steve. He’s got such a kind heart!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Interview with Abbington von Koo, Proprieter of Koochievision, and Potential U.S.Deserter

  1. Pingback: Interview with Abby from “Koochievision” on whateverishly.com «

  2. Pingback: Bat Mitvah: Koochievision Style « Whateverishly: The Greatest Blog Ever Hula’d

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