Coco At The Movies: Top 5s Edition

Posted By: Coco Buchanan

I have been completely obsessed with this new Top 5 facebook application that lets you create various themed media lists.  It’s kind of a similar satisfaction I get out of fooling around with or imdb, in that stream-of-consciousness movie brainstorming sort of way.

Here are two lists I’ve created so far:

Top 5 Racist Movies I Can Think of Right Now

1. Gone With The Wind.  Clearly, for it’s horrifying nostalgia for slavery and portrayal of African Americans.  Which is really a pity, because Scarlett O’Hara, aside from being a racist , entitled asshole, is kind of a badass.

2. Breakfast At Tiffany’s.  If you’ve seen this movie, I don’t even think I need to explain.  For those of you that haven’t, all I have to say is that Mickey Rooney plays Holly Golightly’s “Japanese” landlord

mickey-rooney-batUm, yeaaahhhh.

3. Song of The South.  This is the movie Disney wants you to pretend never existed, as they have never released it on DVD.  Yet, I believe it was nominated for Academy Awards in the late 40s, inspired the Splash Mountain ride at Disneyland, and of course, who could forget that fucking “Zippidee Doo Da” song!  The most insulting thing about this song, and the movie as a whole, is that it asserts, through the Uncle Remus character that somehow, African American people were happy being slaves.  As this Cracked article asserts, that’s almost like making a musical/cartoon about Jews in Nazi Germany called “Hey, nothing Bad Happened To Us, Ever!’  A runner-up  for most racist Disney film could’ve been Peter Pan (portrayal of Native Americans).  But, seriously pretty much all of their movies could’ve been…because Disney always has and always will be run by a bunch of degenerates.

songofthe-south

4. DW Griffith’s Birth Of A Nation.  I’ve technically never seen the whole thing, but from what I gathered in college film class, this is pretty straightforward in its hared of African Americans and endorsement of the KKK .

5. Flower Drum Song. Ok, so I haven’t seen the whole thing of this either, but mostly because I was disgusted at the racism and sexism.  Basically, two old Jewish men (Rogers & Hammerstein) writing about the Chinese AmericaFemale experience is a recipe for disaster.

Top 5 Movies I Hate

1. The Notebook.  If there is anything that makes my blood boil, it’s when movies try way too hard to manipulate you into feeling what they want you to feel, in the context of a contrived and sexist plot.  What person in their right mind would WANT to date the main character played by Ryan Gosling, much less feel ANYTHING for that ridiculous scene where Gena Rowlands and the Rockford Files guy die?  I’m sick of it.  Just STFU about how “touching” this movie is, please, and let the adults do the movie discussing, ok?  Just stick your shirt collar in your mouth, and shut up…there ya go, that’s it!

gosling

2. Mystic River.  THE MOST OVERRATED MOVIE EVER.  I don’t care how many Oscars this guy has won, but Clint Eastwood is simply notdeserving of all the acclaim he gets.  period.  This movie couldn’t have been more  of a vanity project for Sean Penn (I hate that schmuck…and nothing can or will erase that!), and just plain dull, predictable, and un-fucking-interesting.

3. An American in Paris. This is a movie I’ve hated for a long time.  My mom is obsessed with musicals and when I was a child, was way into limiting my access to pretty much every contemporary movie above a PG-13 rating.  Unfortunately for me, this is my mom’s favorite movie and thus, I’ve seen it ad nauseum.  Emphasis on the nausea.  As much respect I  as I have for Gene Kelly as a dancer, this film makes me hate whimsy.  And art.

Seriously, how can you look at this still and NOT hate it?!?!

Seriously, how can you look at this still and NOT hate it?!?!

4. Johnny Tremain.  There is nothing more tedious I can think of than colonial North American war stories.  They seem to never end, and always have the same conclusion: North America is wonderful, and always has been.  I was forced to read this novel in either elementary school or middle school.  Clearly, it had a huge impact on me.  I hated reading the book, and I quite possibly even more hated being forced to watch the movie.  The excruciatingly wooden 1950s style Hollywood acting did it no favors.  I honestly can’t even remember any specific details about the plot, aside from the fact that we focused on it for far, far too long.

Surprise, surprise, it's Disney!  Oh, and god forbid anyone would want to steal this oh-so-inspiring DVD cover photo

Surprise, surprise, it's Disney! Oh, and god forbid anyone would want to steal this oh-so-inspiring DVD cover photo

5.  The Omen movies (all of them).  Dude, I’m not Christian, and therefore never was afraid of “The Devil.”  For me, it’s always been the equivalent in Santa Claus. Therefore (and for other obvious reasons), I’m not a big fan of Catholic Church solutions to problems.  It didn’t scare me, and it didn’t make me sympathetic to, essentially, idiots, who believe literally in things like “The Devil”.

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2 Comments

Filed under Movie Reviews

2 responses to “Coco At The Movies: Top 5s Edition

  1. stellaglass

    Dude the “crows” in Dumbo are a thousand times more racist than Tiger Lily and her father in Peter Pan.

  2. cocobuchanan

    OMG I forgot about that! I wonder if they got edited out at any point, because I’m pretty sure it’s on DVD.

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